This Christmas

Today was hard. As I attempt to connect my family, all 5 of us, currently in 4 different states, I realize just how hard some days are. I’m planning Christmas dinner, knowing that if I don’t plan it now, I’ll forget, and won’t have time 2 days before Christmas when I finally get home to make it all come together. I talk to my mother and hear the frustration in her voice as she struggles for words, and the knowledge in her voice that what was her job is something she can no longer do. I hear the stress in my father’s voice as he tries to hold pieces together thousands of miles away. I hear my sister in the background, sick with a cold, and dealing with a job that ends in a week, her future unknown. And here I sit, juggling the balls to make this Christmas season something to celebrate for my students, hoping that somehow they will grasp the true meaning in the middle of the madness.

Some days, it all feels like too much. Some days, I feel as though I’m failing my family. Some days I want it all to go away, and life to be easy. But easy is not here. Jesus’ birth, which which we celebrate this season, was not easy. His young mother gave birth in a stable. Not in a hospital, not with a midwife, but in a stable. And his life does not get easier as it continues. From the beginning, someone is out to kill him. His life is full of people who doubt him, full of people who have no need for him, and full of people who want to kill him.

My life, as tough as I might think it is some days, is nothing like that. I am surrounded by people who love me and pray for me. I’m surrounded by community. My family, in all their different locations, is all surrounded by people who support us, help us, pray for us and love us. No one is out to kill us. We have the hope, peace, joy and love of Christ. We have so much more than so many around the world. And in less than a week, we will all be together again, celebrating the birth of a Savior, who gives us life. May God grant you the hope of Him this season, surrounding you with His peace, filling you with His joy, and enveloping you in His love.

Things to be thankful for.

As a teacher I asked my kids to share things they were thankful for, either to a specific person or just a general list. It so easy to skip over this myself, but I am determined to make an effort to list my blessings.  So here goes.

I'm thankful that I know my God. The God who loves me no matter what happens, who listens to me ask the same questions, who holds me in his hands no matter what.

I'm thankful for my parents. They introduced me to this God, and they support me in pursuing my passions, no matter how little it pays. They love me and show me what faith is.

I'm thankful for my brother and sister, and the relationship I have with them. They don't beat me up, physically or emotionally. They are supportive of me.

I'm thankful for this crazy last year. The ups and downs, the good and the bad. The tears and the laughter. The pain and the joy. I'm thankful (at least I'm working on it) for the hard times, where I could not see where God was leading me. Because I know God has led me step by step, and he has brought me through it all. He has never left me. He has brought me to the perfect place for the perfect time. And he does it continually.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to work in a community of believers. I love the support I receive. It's hard as we sometimes have to remember we are all fallen humans, and we don't have it right, but I am blessed to walk with others who serve the same God.

I'm thankful for heat, light and running water. I may have to carry my drinking water, but I can take a shower and wash my dishes by turning on a faucet. Also, I can stay warm when it's freezing cold outside.

I'm thankful for God's amazing creation I see every day. As I now live in a new part of the country, it's amazing to see what variety there is in this world, and how beautiful it all is.  

I'm thankful for a a job and a place to live (they happen to be the same for me). I love working in a place where you can't go a day without needing God (heck, you often can't go 10 minutes). I love working with these kids, no matter how crazy they make me, because they challenge me, and force me to draw closer to God.

I'm thankful for the kids I serve every day. I often forget that my job is not to parent or teach first and foremost, but to serve them and show them Christ. That is so hard to do, and it takes a lot of work. But I'm thankful for the opportunity to serve them.

I'm thankful for friends, the ones I can call at any time, who love me and push me to seek Christ in new and different ways. I'm blessed to know so many people who challenge me to pursue Christ and walk that path with me.

I'm thankful for my grandma, who let me crash at her house countless times last year and continues to store a little bit of my stuff, for the open door she offered. I'm blessed to have family who love me and care for me.

I'm thankful for camp, because I know it has changed my life, and challenged me so much. I'm thankful for leaders who have pushed me. I'm thankful for being able to watch over 100 kids come to know Christ this summer. I'm thankful for the summers and year I spent at Miracle Ranch, and the summer at Arrowhead Lutheran Camp. I'm thankful for the staffs I have worked with and the amazing people I have met.

I'm thankful for Sun Valley Indian School, a place that was never on my radar, that I have come to call home. I'm blessed to work at such a place.

I am above all thankful for Jesus, who died on the cross for my sins that I might have a relationship with him. I all too often take for granted my relationship with Jesus, and forget that there was a big price tag attached to it.