Love them like Jesus

Here in the dorm, we have a night time CD we play to help the girls go to sleep. (There is also a morning one that is kind of like an alarm clock.) One of the songs is "Love them Like Jesus" by Casting Crowns. As I listened to this song the other night, I couldn't help but think of how it relates to me. I mean, how am I to love these girls like Jesus. Obviously I know this is impossible to do fully, but what does it look like for me to try? What does love look like when they are being mean and disrespectful? What does love look like when they are listening well? What about when they disobey? What does disciplining in love look like? When I am tired, how do I show them I love them? When they are still talking an hour after light out, what does love look like?

Here is the chorus to the song:

Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You don't need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves them and stay by their side
Love them like Jesus

The point of the song is to point people to Jesus in their tough times, and really has little to do with all of my thoughts. But as I struggle to figure out how to love and mother, and at the same time, teach them the right way and discipline them, I wonder what it looks like in God's eyes. Essentially, I am a parent to 12 girls (a slightly overwhelming thought at 23). And as I feel my way around, I constantly need to seek God's wisdom and guidance.

10 Lessons from my summer

I'm a little slow at processing, but better late than never, here are the main lessons of my summer at Miracle Ranch.

1. When everything is set up to go well, be prepared for a surprise. Just because it seems all ready does not mean it will go as planned. You can't plan life, it just doesn't work that way.

2. A team always works better than a staff. Knowing each other, being honest with one another and open communication means great things get done well. Thank you to the leadership team (Darin, Josh, Tori, Karlee, KV, Bruce, and James- you guys made my summer manageable and fun! I miss you all!)

3. The entire staff, and especially all the counselors, were some of the most amazing people I have ever had the privilege to work with. I am in awe of you.

4. It's possible to feel as though everything on the outside is perfect, yet feel like the world has come crashing down on you. It's hard to understand when things are going so well yet you feel like life is falling apart.

5. It's hard to be told you're strong, solid and tough when you really just want to curl up in a
corner and cry.

6. Sometimes, no matter what you do, you cannot stop the tears from falling. Occasionally, you just fall apart.

7. God is faithful,, even when all we do is show up. All He asks for is ourselves.

8. The world sucks, and sometimes there is nothing you can do to change it. But believing God is bigger than it all means you can get up the next day and keep going. (Having to reporting suspected child abuse sucks.)

9. Late night youtube videos make the world a better place (or at least keep the leadership staff sane.)

10. God changes lives. He calls people (even children) and they answer Him. 110 children who came through Miracle Ranch excepted Christ for the first time, and 106 more rededicated their life to him. God is good.

Some days...

Have you ever had one of those nights? I was thinking earlier today that I would update this blog tonight after the girls were in bed. I was thinking about some cool things to share, positive stories to relate, and a few funny things too. Then tonight happened. Actually, it was really just the last hour and a half. An hour and a half, and I can think of few positive things to say anymore. I will get to them though, because I am determined that not all will  be negative!

When working with these kids, you get used to a lot of back talk, a lot of disrespect, and a few rude names thrown in your direction. Usually, it doesn't bother me much, but tonight it went a little crazy. To simplify, 5 of our girls went to go run laps at 8:30 at night because they chose to be defiant. Hopefully the message got through, because I could use some sleep tonight. It's really hard sometimes to feel like you get through to anyone. These kids have some of the most amazing mood swings. One minute they are fine, the next the world is out to get them, and you have ruined their life. I greatly admire parents, now more than ever.

Enough of the tough stuff, because that will always be there. Here are a few random things in the last few days that encourage me (or at least keep me from crying most of the time!)

• I'm teaching these kids dum dum ditty. Oh yes, dum dum ditty. If you have never worked at camp, you may have no idea what I am talking about, but if you have you know. Basically it's a simple song with different hand motions/clapping rhythms. They get it, and keep asking to do it again. :)
• I  introduced the shaking out the prayer hands. I know many hate this tradition, but I now know why we do it. It gets everyone focused and quite, at least to start prayer time. (Nearly impossible for everyone to stay that way but they start out on the right note)
• www.freerice.com Best invention ever! Mardell, the administrator, mentioned that vocab is a big things these kids all need to work on, and I remembered this website that quizzes you on vocab. Not only does it make it a game, but they also donate 10 grains of rice for every correct answer, so it's supporting a good cause. It's free too, and has other subjects (including multiplication tables, which are also a struggle).

Well on that note, the CD is wrapping up (one more song), so I am off to bed soon. The other day I came across a verse that helped me keep my perspective. 2 Chronicles 20:15 b says "This is what the Lord says: Do not be afraid! Don’t be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God’s." While we may fight in the battle, it's God's battle not our own. We simply do our best, and that is all. God is the one who wins it for us. He never asks for more that we can give, and he will never leave us along. God never lets us go, whether through the calm or the storm. I find great peace in that, even as I hear the voices of girls who were supposed to go to bed nearly an hour and a half ago. Because the battle is God's, and he is victorious.

Crumbs...

This summer we talked about Jesus feeding the 5,000, and how we are called to give what we can, no matter how insignificant it might seem. A friend shared that one week all she had was crumbs, but God did amazing things with her crumbs. Today, I feel like all I have is crumbs. Every evening, we attempt to have "family time" with the girls in the dorm before bedtime. This is a time to address any issues, have a devotion and pray. Tonight's family time was challenging at best. Due to teaching, I do not have much of a break, and so I must admit to being tired and weary by 7 PM every evening. Tonight we dealt with a new rule that has been introduced: no dream catchers at school. As you can imagine, it lead into quite a discussion on why "we" hated the Navajos, why we were being racist, why it wasn't fair, what dream catchers do and do not represent. To simplify it all, the decision was made because we do not want students to think that dream catchers can save them, as apparently some students think. As a Christian school, we rely on God, and we are trying to teach the students this concept in everything. On one hand, I understand why this is hard for the students, but on the other hand, I really understand why. Following this whole discussion, the girls went on to complain about their teachers, the school and everything they hate about it. I really can't remember how many girls said they wished they could transfer or leave tonight but I'm pretty sure it was about 7.



Its evenings like this that make it tough. Its days like this that I realize all I have to give these girls is crumbs, and I cling to the fact that God can do great things with my crumbs. Then of course, I have to remember the positive. Tonight I also saw some amazing things. One of the girls was just sitting across from me writing a verse 10 times as a result of being disrespectful while other girls were praying. We play a music CD as bedtime music filled with Christian music. This girl sang along with every song being played. Maybe she doesn't believe in God, but she is singing his praise. I pray those words imprint themselves on her brain so that she will remember them and recall them later in her life. There were hugs tonight too, despite the fact that they claim to hate us. In chapel today, we had a work and witness team (a group here doing a mission trip) and one of their young men sang a song for us. The song he sang was called "I will go" by Starfield. A few of the lyrics were:


I will go, I will go
I will go, Lord send me
To the world, To the lost
To the poor and hungry
Take everything I am
I'm clay within your hands
I will go, I will go, send me


One of the third graders sat there singing along with the words. It was so cool to see her agreeing in song, even if she had no idea what she was saying. I prayed with all three 2nd graders tonight. I love their simple prayers that dig straight to the core: Dear God, thank you for today, please help tomorrow go fast, helps us have no bad dreams, amen! I pray they do not leave their simple faith behind, but that it only grows as they get older.


God is working here, in big and small ways. In ways I cannot see, in ways I may never see. But he is here, whether I think I can feel him or not. I once heard a quote, "Be still and know that I am God, not be still and feel that I am God. Because our feelings go up and down and I do not want a God that goes up and down." This is so true. God is here and he is working no matter what I think or feel. He is in my life molding me whether I can feel it or not. And he is using my crumbs no matter how small they may be.

Another week, another challenge

So this last week, we got the joy of facing one of my favorite things: l-i-c-e. I refuse to even say the word anymore! If you have ever searched a head for that L word, you know what I am talking about. You see, my first head searching experience came this summer, and little did I know what a useful skill this would be. Ironically the first time I searched heads, I didn't even know what I was looking for completely, having never seen l-i-c-e before. But I searched heads, and then was able to see it on the one girl who did have it. So last week, on Tuesday, when I heard we had 2 girls with it, I was not so excited. Again though, God came through. You see, we do not currently have a nurse. We have people with medical training, but no one filling that position. However, on the work and witness team (they are the groups that graciously serve us throughout the year, the ones we could not survive without), there was a nurse. I have detected l-i-c-e before, but never treated it. When we finished checking heads to have 5 girls with it, I was so very grateful for someone with experience to help treat heads. That said, I am so done with this stuff! Combing heads for ever, washing them, treating them, etc. is so not my favorite thing. It takes forever! And then there were the 20 loads of laundry we had to do! Needless to say, it made for a long day.

This week, I am teaching 2nd grade. Upon my arrival here, I found out that I am the substitute teacher on call, and this week, our 2nd grade teacher is out due to a death in her family. This means that after about 16 months, I am back in a classroom! It was a lot of fun to teach today, and with only 2 students, it was pretty easy! I'm excited to be doing something a little different, although it does make my days a little longer.

I continue to learn more about the amazing God we serve as I stay here. Just tonight I was blessed by a Bible Study with the other young women here. It's a blessing to be able to spend a little bit of time together, getting to know each other, and learning how to be women of Christ. I'm so thankful I serve a God who knows my needs and never fails to meet them.

God's faithfulness

Sometimes I have to remind myself what a faithful and mighty God I serve. It's so easy for me to get caught up in doing, and so focused on what I am dealing with I forget the world outside of myself. I'm a Martha, always making sure tasks are getting accomplished and forgetting why I am doing them. One of my biggest wake up calls came this summer. In the midst of my worst week, where I cried (which if you know me is a big deal, hasn't happened for like a year and a half) more than once, and felt like I was sitting in the rubble after an earthquake, God did amazing things. 31 campers made first time decision to follow Christ. 31... and another 31 rededicated their life to him! Yet I felt like my world was falling apart.

I think the key word there is "my". Because my world may have been falling apart, but the world is so much bigger than me. God's children struggle all the time, yet people are constantly making the choice to follow him. Just because my week was a struggle in no way affects what God can do. He is a whole lot bigger than me.


This week has started off with tough situations. We had two young boys decide to sneak out and run away last night. We are really close to a freeway, so this is incredibly dangerous. God's provision is amazing though, because someone driving by saw them on the side of the freeway, and called the sheriff who was able to pick them up before anything happened to them. Despite everything, God is our protector. I need to remember that when I get discouraged about the fact that they ran away, or that two of my girls got caught stealing, or the girl who's been crying constantly these last few days. My challenge is to think of what has God done, not what has gone wrong. So that's my question to you. What is God doing in your life? Where have you seen his hand at work?

I'm here!

Well, I have been a little busy recently driving and getting settled, but for now, a quick update! I arrived in Sun Valley, Arizona, my new home last night at about 7:30. I was greeted enthusiastically by 10 girls with hugs and other great excitement. In fact, Janna's (one of the teachers here) mother was here from Hawaii, and she had taught some of the students how to make leis. Two of the kids gave me their leis to welcome me, which was really cool.

To back up a bit, driving for the last two days was exhausting, but good. I have tons of pictures to post, but am way to tired to do any editing or anything, so I will include a few of my favorites as a preview of what is to come. Needless to say, but the time I got here I was really glad to be done driving for a while. Thanks for the prayers!

I had a few wonderful helpers empty my car with me, which was great considering that it was unloaded in about 15 minutes. I mean, it only took me like 2 days to pack! Anyway, I got to know the girls a little, and learned a little about the routine. The girls are amazing, and I am so excited to be a part of this community. I know it will not be easy, that's already clear, but I'm so excited to see God work.

After the girls went to bed, and having a quick chat with Holly, the other dorm parent I'm working with, I did some unpacking. Ok, a lot of unpacking.  The mess was too overwhelming to sleep in, and I had to find sheets. I finally got to bed, and was awakened with a lovely surprise about 4 AM.

Ok, so I've been living in the rainy northwest for the last while, so the sound of rushing water is nearly soothing for me. And it was, until I realised it wasn't rain. My bathroom sink faucet decided the pressure was too much and one of the handles basically broke off, and so there was water rushing in my sink. Most of it went into the sink, but there was a nice lovely puddle on the floor too. So after waking Holly and her husband Bernie up, Bernie graciously helped turn the water off under the sink. (Side note: If I knew there was a knob under there I would have done it myself, but having just moved in, I really didn't want to break anything else.) Nothing like a little fun to wake you up in the middle of the night.

Luckily, the maintenance people here are amazing, and I have a new faucet in my bathroom that works now! The staff have been very welcoming, and I so appreciate them already. These are tough kids. In fact, two of the girls in my dorm stole something from a gas station on their cross country trip today, but that's another story. The point is, these are not your average kids, but everyone here has a huge heart for them. When I met with Mardell, the administrator, today, she shared that no matter what your background, whether reservation schools, teen challenge, or anything else, this job is still challenging in a new and different way. Nothing can compare to it. But she also shared that she has never seen God work quite the way he does here anywhere else. God is amazing, and he is the reason I am here. I'm looking forward to walking through this adventure with him.

Now then, I need to get some sleep, because my 4ish hours from last night are not holding up so well. Thanks for taking time to hear about my journey.