Crumbs...

This summer we talked about Jesus feeding the 5,000, and how we are called to give what we can, no matter how insignificant it might seem. A friend shared that one week all she had was crumbs, but God did amazing things with her crumbs. Today, I feel like all I have is crumbs. Every evening, we attempt to have "family time" with the girls in the dorm before bedtime. This is a time to address any issues, have a devotion and pray. Tonight's family time was challenging at best. Due to teaching, I do not have much of a break, and so I must admit to being tired and weary by 7 PM every evening. Tonight we dealt with a new rule that has been introduced: no dream catchers at school. As you can imagine, it lead into quite a discussion on why "we" hated the Navajos, why we were being racist, why it wasn't fair, what dream catchers do and do not represent. To simplify it all, the decision was made because we do not want students to think that dream catchers can save them, as apparently some students think. As a Christian school, we rely on God, and we are trying to teach the students this concept in everything. On one hand, I understand why this is hard for the students, but on the other hand, I really understand why. Following this whole discussion, the girls went on to complain about their teachers, the school and everything they hate about it. I really can't remember how many girls said they wished they could transfer or leave tonight but I'm pretty sure it was about 7.



Its evenings like this that make it tough. Its days like this that I realize all I have to give these girls is crumbs, and I cling to the fact that God can do great things with my crumbs. Then of course, I have to remember the positive. Tonight I also saw some amazing things. One of the girls was just sitting across from me writing a verse 10 times as a result of being disrespectful while other girls were praying. We play a music CD as bedtime music filled with Christian music. This girl sang along with every song being played. Maybe she doesn't believe in God, but she is singing his praise. I pray those words imprint themselves on her brain so that she will remember them and recall them later in her life. There were hugs tonight too, despite the fact that they claim to hate us. In chapel today, we had a work and witness team (a group here doing a mission trip) and one of their young men sang a song for us. The song he sang was called "I will go" by Starfield. A few of the lyrics were:


I will go, I will go
I will go, Lord send me
To the world, To the lost
To the poor and hungry
Take everything I am
I'm clay within your hands
I will go, I will go, send me


One of the third graders sat there singing along with the words. It was so cool to see her agreeing in song, even if she had no idea what she was saying. I prayed with all three 2nd graders tonight. I love their simple prayers that dig straight to the core: Dear God, thank you for today, please help tomorrow go fast, helps us have no bad dreams, amen! I pray they do not leave their simple faith behind, but that it only grows as they get older.


God is working here, in big and small ways. In ways I cannot see, in ways I may never see. But he is here, whether I think I can feel him or not. I once heard a quote, "Be still and know that I am God, not be still and feel that I am God. Because our feelings go up and down and I do not want a God that goes up and down." This is so true. God is here and he is working no matter what I think or feel. He is in my life molding me whether I can feel it or not. And he is using my crumbs no matter how small they may be.